power outage culprit?

our power went out for a few hours this evening.  i think this may have been the culprit...

creepiest santa warfare

so ever since the creepiest santa appeared at the top of the stairs, we've been taking turns trying to scare each other with him.  

first we put him in my mom's bed.

 

then he appeared by the door when the kids were leaving for school.

then we put him in the cupboard.

then he appeared on the doorknob with a photo of creepy baby santa.

so we put him on the coat rack.

then he appeared on the trash can in the garage and then funky little shelf above the stairs.

the kids had enough.  they and a friend started writing letters to creepiest santa. 

 

now he is wrapped in dadaw's christmas sweater, waiting to be opened in the morning.  

happy christmas!



****update:   dadaw opening xmas sweater:

damn you, game informer!

for getting this stuck in my head:

informer, blah blah blah blah blah blahbity blah, i lick you boom boom down

every time i go to the bathroom.

creepiest santa shenanigans

imagine you are 6 and just starting to read basic words well.  imagine you decide to go upstairs to visit your grandparents one saturday morning, and this is what you see when you approach the stairs.

after the initial shock of the creepiest santa unexpectedly being at the top of the stairs wears off, you approach the santa and start tackling the sign with your 6-year-old reading skills.

 

the kids are used to my parents' sense of humor, or they may have run away screaming.  also helping:  they've never seen a chucky movie or anything scary where a doll comes to life.  

suck it, pilgrims (part 2)

so it's come to my attention that in addition to wrongfully getting all the credit for the first thanksgiving, pilgrims actually outlawed christmas.  (look at the bottom of the page) 

now i'm not known for my abundance of love for christmas (that's another post), but i don't think people should be fined five shillings for displaying christmas spirit (well, perhaps stores that display it two months prior to christmas).  and they did this before everyone got all giddy about santa.  not because the religious part was too boring, but because it was too fancy.

 

i know i'm really oversimplifying this whole thing to try to be funny, so i will concede that they had the courage to stick to their convictions and only follow what was in the bible, shunning the church's taking over the winter solstice / saturnalia celebrations and turning it into christmas.

still, people who think they are all fancy because their ancestors came over on the mayflower really just need to stop.

we are incredibly lazy

gaze at the disorganized splendor of our silverware drawer and feel superior in the knowledge that you are less lazy than we are.

nutcracker = busy!

yes, it's another brain comic

so my brain has been holding onto this information since i got the phone call last sunday morning that the girl scout cookie training meeting was rescheduled for the next sunday.  but it chose 3:27 this morning to spring the information upon me.  four days later, it chose to wake me up in a complete crazed panic to let me know that this was also the same time as kid3's nutcracker performance.

brain, what have i done to make you want to torture me so?  i know i don't use you to your full capacity, but is that really a good reason to withhold important information from me?  is it the constant schedule changeup and being trapped in the house with the crazed monkey troupe on snow days that is angering you so?  what can i do to make you happier?  otherwise, i'm going to have to put a muzzle on you at night with some sleeping pills or something.

creepy santa invasion! (part 1)

my mom has busted out the christmas decorations, which means creepy santas everywhere!  and now you get to join in on the fun.  i've tried to put these in order of less to most creepy according to my own creepometer.

this one isn't so bad except the mouth.


this is a duck dressed as a bear dressed as santa.  wtf?


is this one trying to lick me?  and it dances!


ghost!


unnatural limb movement + crazy eyes.  yet impossible not to pick up and play with.


this one seems to be glowing from within, but there is no device with which to make it glow.


forehead!  extra creepy blue eyes!


i feel this one requires no explanation as to why it's creepy.  my kids punch this one as often as they can.



part 2 to come when we unpack our decorations!

dumbest childhood lies: update!

my dad had this to add to the childhood lies:

I bought some candy and you got all excited because you said it was potty candy. I was like, what the heck are you talking about! You told me your mom used to give that particular type of candy if you would use the potty! A few days later I couldn't find the candy. I asked where it was and you say maybe it got flushed down the potty!!! LOL! Or maybe Crystal ate it. That's sort of how I remember it!

the dumbest childhood lies i ever told

and how my karma is being repaid for telling them.

1.  no, i didn't spill blue food coloring on the carpet.
note that my dad and i were the only ones who lived in the apartment

2.  no, i didn't set a tissue on fire, freak out that it was burning my fingers and drop it on the floor, which left a circle of charred carpet there.
(apparently i had some sort of vendetta against that apartment's carpet)
thank goodness my dad had a cup of water on his nightstand, or that could have really gotten out of control.

3.  i didn't burn the pot pies in the toaster oven on purpose!  (can we go to mcdonalds?)
i actually did this once or twice by accident, but once i caught on that mcdonalds was the result, i did do it on purpose a couple of times when i just couldn't face eating another pot pie.  i'm sure dad caught on to this, but i never got in trouble for it.

4.  i wasn't watching cartoons.  i was doing my homework.
i wasn't allowed to watch cartoons, but it was very tempting when i was home alone after school.  i would forget to put it on the channel dad left it on the night before.  then when i figured out that i needed to do that, i also had to learn to put it on the correct "last" channel, since that could be checked as well.  there was no cartoon network then, but dad being the tv man that he is knew which channels showed cartoons after school.  

so now i'm getting karmic retribution for telling these ridiculous lies by my kids telling me ridiculous lies.  only now i can't always completely prove them because there is a minuscule chance one of the other kids could have done it.

 

okay, i can tell whose shoes have been left in the floor, but it's still a ridiculous lie.

oh hi again 5am!

today it was my tickly throat and not my brain that insisted i wake up.  i know it's not actually 5am yet, but my clock is 27 minutes fast, so my clock says it is.

5am, you are so mean.

also, throat, clock and brain, i'm not so happy with you at the moment.

tissueless

this morning my nose was badly running when i was loading the washing machine.  i started to freak out because it was getting uncomfortably close to my lips, and we were totally out of tissues.

i was doing the little dance.  you know the one.  the "what the hell am i going to wipe this on before it touches my lips??" dance.

i looked down at the sheet i was about to shove in the washing machine and had a moment of enlightenment.  then i wiped my nose on the sheet.

insomniac brain attack

i don't know if my brain is mad at me for that beer i drank earlier, but it was determined to keep me from any proper sleep tonight.

i never really quite got into a good sleep rhythm all night.  then when my clock said 5:16*, it decided to pounce.  

i tried to get comfy and fall back asleep, but my brain was having none of that.  first the panic.

then the guilt.

then the cacophony.

then it started composing this post while i tried in vain to go back to sleep.

finally, i got up when my clock said 6:23.*

i glanced in the kitchen and wondered why there were sparkly green stars all over the ceiling.  it took me way too long to realize it was the light from the coffee maker reflecting off the giant shiny ductwork spider on the ceiling.  

maybe my brain just wanted a hazy trippy day.