at a party we had recently, some of my friends were marveling at the greatness that is my mom's skin. and it is truly fabulous. but it comes at a price. not the gross kind where people put monkey placentas or whatever on their faces, but the kind where your loved ones have to wait around for you for hours while you apply these creams just to go to the farmer's market.
at least all this waiting around prepared me for the endless hours of my life i've wasted standing outside restrooms waiting for one kid or another to take a dump.
at least all this waiting around prepared me for the endless hours of my life i've wasted standing outside restrooms waiting for one kid or another to take a dump.
so without further adieu, here are the ten creams of perpetual tardiness:
bonus nighttime cream!
(look! i even made helpful links for you! not because i can make any money from this junk, but because i like to be helpful.)
so i hope all of you who are better at maintenance than i am can benefit from my mom's fancy regimen. i will obviously just slowly start looking like an old dried up raisin, since my patience for these things is so very low.
To carry on the tradition you now must buy everything from the list above. Really. I'm not kidding. Go buy it all for me. Or else you will have to look at my alligator skin for 40 more years.
ReplyDeleteDid you see how much that stuff costs?
DeleteIt's totally worth it. Your mom's skin is like buttah. I didn't try to spread it on anything, what I mean is... I'm just grateful Silence of the Lambs is only a movie or else she'd be on the target list for most valuable skin. The woman has no pores. Clearly this is something to do with clindamycin phosphate. She's like a Madonna. (Not THE Madonna, b/c I think your mother has a much better fashion sense.) This is excellent information. I suppose tanning beds are out?
ReplyDelete